I think it is worth noting that two days ago the earth celebrated the birth of two it's finest historical characters: Charles Dickens and Ashton Kutcher.
Let us take a look at some of their accomplishments and see how they stack up.
- He wrote a bunch of great shit. Like Great Expectations. That was good, right?
- His stuff is like 180 years old and people are still loving that stuff. So he's immortal. That's awesome.
- He had that one show on MTV. Lot's of famous people were on it. But I don't think anybody liked him.
- He married Demi Moore. This is more of a personal achievement but it's worth something I guess.
- He was nominated for 3 Kid's Choice Awards and won once! Wow! Never saw Dickens get any awards.
Seems like Ashton Kutcher takes the cake here. Look at that. He had 3 whole bullet points. That is worth some commending. Congratulations, Mr. Kutcher on a successful career!
But it wasn't only their births the world was rejoicing that day. Yes, that's right. It was my birthday too. 17 years of hard labor and determination has resulted in the young man that sits opposites of these words as they are being typed this very moment. This age has brought with it many luxuries that society once made sure to keep away from me until the day that I was ready to earn them. I can now attend my local theatre and watch films that are explicit in nature without having to work the system or have my mom present. The same goes for video games. I will also be receiving my license in a matter of days by which I will attend such films and acquire said games. It is all quite splendid.
I'm quite proud. Now, in honor of myself let us take a quick look at some of my greatest accomplishments.